Do you ever feel like you are being pushed to something? I dont know what it is, but I have been feeling for a few weeks, that I need to change something up, or do something different. It's like I am supposed to do something great, but I am not sure what it is?
  I want to have money, I am supposed to have money, just not sure how I am supposed to obtain the goal. I am not a salesman, so I am not really looking to sell a product. Not dedicated enough to do you tube. What is it, that I am supposed to be doing that is going to make me money? I am an entrepreneur by nature. I just wish I had a direction. Who knows, now that I put it out there in the universe, it can be brought to the light

The magic of Coffee

I love waking up in the morning, knowing that a cup of coffee is just a short walk away. From the sound of the k pod going into the coffee maker, to the sound of the pouring sound. It makes an excited feeling come to my heart.
  Within the first two sips, I already am starting to feel like a super hero. Ready to take on the day.
   That has been the time when I start to write, because I feel like that is when I can be most creative, set by goals for the day. Then be all around be more productive.

So with that being said. Today is I am writing about my weight loss journey, and the steps I have had to take to start a transformation.

   I am a foodie through and through. Love taste in everything. Love myself a full craft brew as well.

 The thing is, I really didnt even know how bad it was for you.
  I noticed my clothes getting smaller and smaller. Tighter and tighter. I just didnt want to accept the fact that I was gaining weight. So I chose to stay off the scale. It wasnt until I started dodging pictures, that i realised i was in denial!
  I braved a swimsuit, and had my son take a full body picture that I noticed how much weight, i had really gained. Even in the picture I titled it basically "I am ok with being fat".
    The honest truth is I wasn't. At all!
  So the next day. I did some research of diets that might work for me. I saw keto, it looked amazing, and people were getting amazing results.
    Tried that for a couple of weeks, and by the 3rd week. I was gagging just trying to eat the food that I had meal planned. So I realized that was NOT the diet for me.
  So I read about weight watchers, and have decided to switch over. Knowing I might gain a little weight at first. Since I am transferring out of ketosis. That's ok tho. I know it will be worth it. Weight watchers really feels like it's a step in the right direction.
  So I am taking it from here. Hoping by Christmas to be down to 125 or 130. After all it is a goal.
  A goal that started, from my magical coffee😉

35 fitting in, and Fortnite🤦‍♀️

So, I have been asking myself where I fit in, for 35 years of age? I am not old, but i am not young either. Still finding myself caught in the middle or caring what people think, and doing my own thing.
  The thing I have learned in life is that there are people that are not going to like you, plain and simple!
 From the way you look, talk, act or walk. People will judge you and talk about you. Hey, that's life!
   It's honestly none of our business what people think.( I just need to take my own advice😉)
   There have been many things that I have wanted to do in life, but I always cut myself short, bc of being worried about being judged.
      Eight years ago, I started a YouTube channel. Did it in Hopes that we would reach thousands of people, so they could see how unique our family was. ( starting that channel, lead to some of the best memories😍,still not mad about it )
https://www.youtube.com/user/Verbeekstink

    I made these videos for a year, It was great, and it was something i really loved to do.
   After that year. The big evil DOUBT came into my life. Telling me that my content was boring, and that people were not going to like it. Why am I wasting my time?  So on and so forth.
   It took any motivation I had out of wanting to film.😔 I took something that I loved, and stopped doing it, all bc i was worried about what others thought.
   The want of wanting to get back up, and film has been come and go. I will film here, and there. It's just the boys are getting older now, and it puts me at a loss of what to film. ( all they like to do is play fortnite🤦‍♀️)

It kills me. 

This game is the root of all evil.

It's the first  first thing my boys do when they wake up, and play this is the last thing they do before they go to bed.

We had video games when I was little, but this whole technology thing, has taken over, in a huge way.

My boys no longer want to be social. They would rather stay inside, and play with their other friends from school, that are also playing fortnite!

It really makes me feel  us ELDER MILLENIALS- were the last of our generation to play outside to the streetlights come on, explore and just be social creatures.

Well enough of my blabbering for one post. I am now going to take my coffee, and do what any other ELDER MILLENIALS would do, and drink it on the front porch.

 Here she goes. Here she goes again.
I feel like I have been lo ke up in a cage, not physically, but mentally for along time. Maybe it was because I stopped writing down my thoughts, and started to forget how to Express my feelings🤷‍♀️
  Today I am giving it a new shot. Starting over from the beginning.
   Writing has always been a therapy for me, so why not.
  My boys are now 13 and 11. Time I feel flew way to fast, and now I feel like I am stuck in the corner. I am not knowing how to relate with my boys.  Their dad works alot of the time, so it's always me and them. We dont really spend any time together tho. All they want to do is play fortnite l, and if I ask them to spend any time with me. Its like pulling teeth.
  I feel to young to have kids this old. It's a very long feeling. I dont th9nk ot would be as bad, if their dad were here in the evening, but he works 60 hours a week.
   Lately I have been finding myself work more, just so I have something to do with my time. Which is not bad.
I am a personal grocery shopper ( never thought, I would add that one to the resume) I enjoy it tho. I get to pick my own hours, and can be home with my family on the week ends, which is a huge blessing.
 Life is good. I have alot to be grateful for, I just really miss my connection with my boys!
 I am reaching that age, where I am going to start doing things to appease me, and stop caring what other people think so much. It's an easier life that way. I am also going to start writing as often as possible, so I can feel better, and get things off my chest